This Women’s Day, I would like to pay a much needed tribute to an amazing mother who recently passed away; a eulogy I feel I owe to her.
It was a sudden, shocking death which I came to know a few days later. Praying for the news to be a nightmare, I am still in a state of impiety. I feel astray, lost and what not! Had never, even in my wildest dreams, I ever imagined losing her, living a life without her; or rather a life her children would have to live without her after losing their father at an early age!
Her children were the epitome of her life, and her happiness subsided in them. Supporting and protecting them was her only reason of being; her motherhood embodying care I have seen rarely. Along with, she had been fighting through a lot, and by this I literally mean A LOT!
Hidden enemies as there always are, I do not think even her children had any clue about it unless they grew up. Despite the clashes, she brought them up with the utmost respect for the masked enemies. Patiently enduring the harshness of life, sacrifices were made in the name of culture, society and norms. Whatsoever, keeping it all to herself, she was rock solid!
I didn’t know her personally, rather knew her through my imagination and affection. Had always, always, always had her in my mind, owing to the special place she held in my heart.
She was a strong, powerful lady, fighting with the world after she got widowed at a very young age. It has never been easy raising children as a widow, and I feel she did that greatly. Facing everyone and everything courageously, she did it.
Wondering what makes me know so much about her? Well I had a deep connection with her, rather a spiritual one.
During the past few months, I had several dreams regarding her – all beautiful ones. Life was smooth and I knew she was fine and was going to get eternal happiness soon. However, evil forces were in place equally (not to mention I’m an avid believer of negative forces). I was, nonetheless, praying for everything to get along fine, and was having the glad tidings as well.
Few days before her death, I had a dream – a dream that had some indication of her calling, though it was continued by some good incidences. I was a bit worried after that dream, yet secretly prayed for things to turn out smooth. The concerns were however kept grounded and nobody knew about them!
Days passed by, and I was waiting for the good things to take over. Nonetheless, secret prayers and acts of negating evil continued. I had never thought that I would be turned down this badly, everything would be smashed unto my face, and the skies would remain deaf to my pleas. I thought I would make it till the end, but I lost it midway. Her departure remained unbeknown to me and was revealed in the most unexpected of ways.
Had her in my thoughts wherever, whenever. Life plans had her in place as strong, beautiful and happy. I always imagined her love to be a part of my life, and now that she is gone, I am clueless! Now was the time that she received happiness. Now was the time when the disguised oppressors got it right back in their faces, but we lost it – though temporarily. No one knew, rather no one could ever imagine that it was not bound to happen as we wanted it to be. And so the grief struck, making her children vulnerable to the brutal world she was protecting them from. She was immensely loved on earth, but God loved her a little more. And hence she was called backed to the heavens real soon – for there she belonged!
An unbelievable reality it is, and I won’t be able to get over it ever!
It will forever remain unacceptable to me, as I have never been able to perceive death. Despite being inevitable, I cannot just apprehend it. After crying for a few days, I cannot cry anymore. How do I? I cannot just believe that you are no more!
I wish I was able to meet you once. I wish I could interact with you. I can simply wish. You are very dear to us, you will remain so till eternity. I will forever hold the remorse that God did not let me meet you. Why did He do this, I don’t know!
I miss you, Mama! I love you, till we meet again!